..Jon Simonds..

Save My Country, Part 2
The Basically Brooklyn Series

The fiscal year began with a myriad of problems, this July 1st. Many states have seen pounds of tax revenues dry up in this economic drought and are forced to take devastating steps, in an effort to continue to function. One such state is the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania where state workers may only receive partial pay on July 7th and July 24th.

After this, according to the AP, state workers are faced with having paychecks withheld entirely. State workers include such individuals as Park officials, highway maintenance workers, toll collectors and most disturbing of all, State Police. You do not want to tick off a state cop with a ticket book and a gun. Pennsylvanians from Titioute to Philly ought to find alternate routes in their travels to pawn shops and loan sharks in such neighboring states as New York, New Jersey and Ohio.

Trust me, State Police in Pennsylvania know every ticket issued raises revenues which are needed to turn partial paychecks into full paychecks, no motivational speakers needed for these guys and gals to give a whole new meaning to the term drive to survive. This, from a state that insists it's a Commonwealth.

Several other states are faced with similar problems. In California the message was clear. If you work for the state of Cali, your pay has been terminated. However, IOU's will be issued. Maybe they'll even go back to green stamps. Can you imagine working a 50-hour week, ticketing motorists for every little thing you can possibly ticket a motorist for and receiving a note from the Governor? "Dear sir/Madame: Thank you for your service and dedication. I owe you 727 dollars and fifty-six cents. Love Arnie."

The worst part of this whole thing is, the letters will be Xeroxed copies, until the reams of paper run out so it won't even be a real autograph. How short changed can people be?

This is serious and it's time for the President of the United States to step up to the plate and make good on his promise for change. It's time to put Hawaii and Alaska on Ebay; I spoke to a source at the Chinese Embassy in New York who said, on the condition of anonymity that, "Hawaii is beautiful. My nation would gladly get into a huge bidding war with Japan. It is worth at least a cool trillion."

Let's face it. It would hardly be unprecedented. Didn't the first Americans sell Manhattan for 28 bucks and a Sears gift card? And that wasn't even a bargain, because things were so much cheaper back then.

When asked about Alaska, he bit his lower lip and shook his head from side to side. "This would go for roughly 3 to 5 trillion, or not at all. Big bidding war with many nations. Much oil, but big problem."

"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Palin. US Government must guarantee sale does not include Governor of Alaska. I hear Putin is even afraid of her.

Putin looks out his window, everyday. He cannot see Alaska, but worries Palin can see him. He go to Voolvorths and buy curtains and pajamas.

As long as Palin is Governor of Alaska, state is worthless. Maybe Poland takes it for a few 100. No Palin, worth many trillions of dollars. Huge bidding wars." Rumor has it she resigned just to make sure we can get the best market value for Alaska.

Ebay! We could divvy up all this money between the lower 48 and Workers of the State would be paid for working, all over again. After all, isn't that the American way? Or, has the great political divide between democrats and republicans run so deep, we are forced to wax nostalgic when we refer to America as a great nation, rich with opportunity in its pursuit of the American Dream. Trust me. Ebay - the ultimate in American ingenuity.

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Save My Country, Part 1